Single parenting online dating
He’ll ignore my texts until he wants to talk to me. I went to a breakfast cafe with Tim for a fun mom-and-kid breakfast. This is the kind of stuff I used to get heavy input from Tim’s dad on.
In between dates, we have been practically strangers to each other. If we can’t talk intelligently about what’s going on in the world, forget it. I also have weeks of vacation saved up at work, and only need to make a plan in order to be on the road somewhere. But for some reason, I am having a terrible time committing to any particular plan for weekend trips or longer vacations. On the surface, it’s just indecision, but if I sit with my feelings a little bit I realize I’m feeling alone.
Much of our lives are kept sealed away like nuclear waste. I made sure I was on my game, beauty-wise, as I usually try to do. I just wanted to maybe just to give him a wink, a knowing glance to let him know ‘I see you. It would have been a human and decent thing for him to do to give a hello. Also, does it mean something if a man I’ve been casually dating lately with wants to watch the once-in-a-lifetime in our region solar eclipse with me? I’m not sure I’m cool with the conclusions he might draw if I took him up on his invitation–might infringe on my single self. It’s time for another round of dating horror stories: I am getting over being sick and only out with this dude due to boredom. When a guy launches into a speech on the first date “I’m almost too nice. My decision-making skills are weakened from years of letting my spouse take the lead. In addition, I worry that every plan I come up with will be inadequate. And up until recently, family was always the three of us; Tim, his dad, and me.
I live in the same neighborhood with Adonis, and considered ahead of time that it happen that we’d run into each other. In my opinion, it is not nice to ignore people if they’re an object of your affections. He’s at the same school he started at when he was three, and it’s crazy to see how all the kids have changed in what feels like literally a FEW years to me. At a time like this, I would have enjoyed sharing the fun of seeing the cousins together with Tim’s Dad.
When he gets up to go to the bathroom I decide to risk asking him about his politics when he returns. All I can think about is how people in earshot must be so annoyed to have to listen to our attempt to connect. This was before I’d called the Centaur but after I’d met him and got his number. They are so cute together, cracking each other up all day, developing inside jokes and having fun.
As I was leaving the nightmare awkward date, above, I looked to my right and realized The Centaur had been sitting there the whole time, hearing every word. Today, it’s the process of planning vacations that sets me off (I know, I’m pretty lucky if this is the type of thing that gets me upset). Tim has his two middle-school aged cousins in town this week, and life is good.
But one day we chanced to be at a show together and I met a bunch of his friends. His head was back, and he was half-grinning and looking at me as if he’d never seen me before in his life. The rest of the scene faded out and I was visually, olfactorily and physically fixated on his undomesticated presence. We chatted about the possibility of our death by airplane crash over sparkling water. He snapped about a hundred pictures of me on my phone with the airplane against an orange-pink sky. I now have the souvenirs of this experience, great photos that he later that evening, spent some time cropping and filtering to just how he liked them.
As Tim and I were finishing our trendy plates, in saunters Adonis with a beautiful lady conspicuously dressed in the previous night’s date-dress. I almost turned into a pillar of salt; the lovely lady was gazing over her shoulder at me! I thought, jokingly in my mind, about how, later, I’d tease Adonis, saying that because I was just trying to be discreet, knowing Adonis would surely be jealous of my captivating date (Tim). And I can never make our family go back to what it used to be for Tim, and what if a vacation with me as the only adult is just no fun? There were some emojis, an illustrated laundry list of his work, and some flirty words included. But unfortunately, this was one of those annoying texting situations where it was hard to tell what the real meaning was. (Oh the joy of having wise women around you to interpret the cryptic man-text! I went from feeling closed off and hopeless that I’d ever date again to goofing around with a sexy man on a patio on a sunny June afternoon.
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It’s a good thing that I have a choice over how I spend my time, and that I am lucky enough to have vacation time and good friends and family to plan things with. Then, I just started to feel like it was all pointless. Some kind of fluffy wildflowers along the path were sending seed puffs waving in the wind and flying up into the sun. The words came to my mind, “All we have is Presence,” meaning, the only thing that matters is right now. I’d love to take him on a bunch of weekend trips and a road trip out west. I’ll explain plenty more about him in future posts. Over text messages, I awkwardly informed him that he was a true rebound. On the other hand, I’ve always handled this kind of planning, and I don’t want to interact with the ex any more than I have to.
What’s the point of having fun if families can break up, people get old and die, and everything can go to hell? The weather was just about exactly 80 degrees, with light streaks of clouds and no humidity. Suddenly the pressure to create the perfect experiences when Tim and I are together lightened, and I realized that the elegance of every little moment matters so much more. My experience on this walk made me want to just hang out with Tim, just let go of any idea that I need to be ultra-fun. I would love to read comments – have you had any good single mama adventures with your kids? Single mom, parents need care, and I’m still trying to achieve in my career, make a contribution to this world, and parent my pre-teen single. All you need to know for the purpose of this tale is, we first met when we randomly ran into each other twice in two weeks, and then we had one great date. On one fateful Friday, I knew I wanted to see Wild Animal Man again, so I texted to ask him for just that. I hastily decided to just call his dad and fill him in.